- The crowd this week was full of menstruating women. Next week it will be full of people who have appeared in adverts.
- My Butcher's so kind, he lets me have all the animals that weren't killed properly.
- "Do you prefer Dog biscuits or normal biscuits?" asked Mummy. "Normal biscuits" replied Luke.
- I starved everyone of affection. I made up for it by throwing a big party.
- Talking to Ron was always dangerous. He'd convince you to steal from the church, which normally I'd be against.
- June's school-friend May was a doctor. If it wasn't for the kids, she fancied that she would have made a good Doctor too. "A Doctor of medicine" she sighed as she looked at herself in the mirror with her sunken eyes and missing teeth. She straightened her back, shaved her hair off, studied for 6 years and did actually end up becoming a Doctor.
- I starved everyone of affection. I made up for it by throwing a big party.
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