84 - 101

- Arran was so good at board-games that he couldn't sleep a wink thinking about it.

- Jack was playing about with some old condoms he'd found yesterday when he suddenly remembered he was meant to be at work.

- George was so excited about the two new shirts he'd just bought, he shook his wife violently.

- Simon couldn't help noticing Grandpa was wearing Grandma's clothes today.

- "Barry and Debra always wear bloody denim" the other Barry screamed, scaring both the Mitchells and the Donaldsons. His wife took him into the room where everyone's coats were and patted his head gently. After a little sleep he meekly returned in time to witness Linda having a stroke and Brian spilling red wine all over himself.

- David inadvertently married his own Father.

- Ruth's hair always looked immaculate. Except for the time she had that car-crash.

- Chris loved the smell of his new carpet so much, his nose fell off.

- Sam hated playing big stadiums because the crowd never warmed to him. But he always self-medicated by drinking 4 cans of Kronenburg when he got home.

- "I can't get the top off" complained Mary. Steve marched over, crushed the jar with his bare hands and spent the rest of the evening jumping around on all-fours like an ape. Mary was impressed.

- Leanne had her Prince Albert done.

- It was less a question of when Philip thought about Forest Green Rovers than when he didn't.

- Helen fought tooth and nail to get Sophie into Hillgrove School, only to find out it was a school for boys somewhere in Canada.

- Steve Bruce's job was to arrange the congregation in order of attractiveness.

- "Toby's got so much energy" laughed Dawn, "I'm afraid he's put his head through your Caravaggio".

- Gerrald had massive pumped-up calves from playing so much hockey. It aggravated him that he could no longer fit into his trousers and had to wear this sort of collection of plastic bags and old J-cloths.

- Biscuits were banned from the Logan household because Mum would gorge herself on Chocolate Digestives and never have an appetite for her meal.

- Gary spent his Saturday afternoons playing football for Arsenal while his brother surfed the internet.